Jesus is Here.

It’s been a week. One week I never could have imagined. One week I never though we would survive. But we have. We are standing on the other side of one week…. without mom.

And Jesus is here.

That is what we have. That is what we cling to. That is what my soul, in desperation and deepest longing, finds as a tangible resting place.

Scripture is our daily bread. Prayer is our strength. The truth of God and the comfort of the Holy Spirit holds us. Jesus sits in the room.

Psalm 23

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. “When he brings out his own sheep, he goes before them; and the sheep follow him, for they know His voice” (John 10:4). “For your heavenly Father knows what you need. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry….” (Matt.6:32-34).

He Makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside still waters. “For so He gives His beloved sleep” (Psalm 127:2). “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest” (Matt.11:28).

He restores my soul; he leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake. “But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you” (1 Peter 5:10).

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand” (Isaiah 41:10).

For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulations, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; “I sat down in His shade with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste. He brought me to the banqueting table, and his banner over me was love” (Song of Solomon 2:3-4).

You anoint my head with oil; My cup runs over. “O Lord, You are the portion of my inheritance and my cup; You maintain my lot. THe lines have fallen to me in pleasant places; yes, I have a good inheritance….Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoices; my flesh also will rest in hope” (Psalm 16:5-6,9).

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; “Cast your burdens on the Lord, and He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved” (Psalm 55:22).

And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. “One thing I have desired of the Lord, that will I seek; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to inquire in His temple. For in the time of trouble He shall hide me in His pavilion’ in the secret place of His tabernacle He shall hide me; He shall set me high upon a rock” (Psalm 27:4-5).

So we cry, and we trust, and we lean on Jesus. We hurt, we long and we ache. Never though, do I question: “Why?” I know the answer: Because all the days ordained for us on this life are written in God’s book of life (Psalm 139:16), and May 15, 2013 was just Mom’s day to rejoice in Glory with her Savior and Lord.

“I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the Lord!” Psalm 27:13-14

Confessions of a Bride just before “I Do”

16 days 18 hours 07 minutes 33…32…31…30….seconds.... until we tie the knot.

 Imagine a circus tent just before the grand evening performance.

The poles and canvas in place impressively portray something grand and exciting, housing underneath a swarming ant-hill of activity, noise, color, people, animals, music, performers and spectators. There are acrobats practicing their routines, animals being put in place and groomed, performers touching up their makeup and costumes, sound, lights and equipment checked one last time, trapeze artists taking to their platforms, clowns in disguise awaiting their cue. All anticipating the moment when the lights dim, and the ring masters voice booms. All on the edge for the start of the show.

That is kind of how my mind feels and looks. In an attempt to be transparent about the experience leading up to my wedding day, I admit that that sometimes it is utter chaos with all the parts, details, colors, noise, waiting, hurrying, fixing, making ready, checking and double-checking, people here, people there; a never-ending to-do-list working me into a frenzy.

And if I were being really transparent and honest, I would have to admit it is all making me ill. I’m sick of the clown makeup – the painted face and bright costumes of trying to keep it all together. I’m tired of trying the be the ring master of this circus. I’m exhausted by the trapeze feats of emotions that swing from excitement to fear, from faith to doubt, from joy to confusion.  I’m disappointed that I have allowed so much of my focus on my up-coming wedding to become about the rating I will receive about the acts, the illusions, the entertainment and aesthetic of the event.

Did you just catch your breath and mutter, “Oh no, don’t say such things! You’re getting married. Why are you not the excited, giddy, blushing bride to be?!”?

If so, I respect the sentiment and with all that I have shared, let me assure you that it does not negate the over-arching fact that there is nothing I would rather be doing than getting married in 16 days 17 hours 34 minutes 14….13…12…seconds.

I cannot wait to be married to Aaron. I cannot wait to make the leap of faith into the calling of a “wife.” I have become more and more convinced of God’s leading and the bringing together of Aaron and I as one of the greatest gifts and blessings of my life, embracing the new adventure of stepping out in faith for this journey called marriage.

But this has not been an easy ride. Bumps, spins, loop-the-loops – more like the roller coaster at the amusement park, our engagement season has discombobulated my mind and my heart. I am left trying to figure out up from down.

And there is the kicker: “I have been trying to figure it all out.” I have desperately attempted to direct the chaos, to boss around the details, to control the outcome and the evaluation. I really wanted to be the ring master (megaphone, top hat, coat-tails and all).

In my heart of hearts, I realize that those thoughts are not what a wedding should be about at all! A wedding is to be the celebration of a man and a woman coming together before God and their loved ones – The first day of a marriage. A marriage is about unity and a covenant. And….nothing about me being in ultimate control.

There is only one Ring Master. God is the only One who can lead perfectly. He is the only One capable of handling every detail and circumstance; the Only One who can orchestrate a grand and marvelous display of Glory, Beauty, and Life out of our circus. He is the only One I can truly trust to direct our marriage.

So for the next 16 days…17 hours….02 minutes…20…19…18…seconds... I will attempt to hand over the megaphone, step off the platform, and let Jesus be the Ring master – helping me to prepare a marriage that will no doubt be the grand adventure I could never have imagined (or controlled) in my wildest dreams.

P.s. For the record: I am really excited and happy and can’t wait for the wedding. I’m going to be a WIFE y’all!!! (and I’m practicing my ‘Merican accent).

Humbled to have this man stand with me through the chaos and say “Yes” to the circus with me.

Finally! Country Music Makes Sense!

When I was in elementary school, I told everyone in music class that I wanted to grow up and be a country music star.

If you knew me at all then, or since, you would understand that there is humor in that ambition on so many levels. Most notably would be the fact that I never listened to country music or had anything in common with country anything….until now.

My parents were careful about what we listened to; they cared about what messages we were exposed to and wanted us to be surrounded by scripture, thoughts of God and encouraging messages. Nothing against country music, but my sister and I had hundreds of songs in our repertoire about Bible verses and worshiping Jesus. That has remained my main standard for what I allow myself to be musically immersed in.

Once in awhile, a country radio station would be on but that is it. It has only been recently, the last year or so, that I have ever given country music a fair chance.

To confess: I never understood country music. To me, it all sounded the same. Every song kind of discussed the same themes and similar sounds. I didn’t really get the appeal.

Thanks to my fiance, that has changed. Being a good, small town, all-American guy with a great pick up truck, he is the one who made me spend some time with it and showed me that country music was just a given… and it all makes sense now!

Songs about trucks, driving those trucks on dirt roads, fishing, sweet and simple love, rural living, family stories, heartache and true love – it all reflects a certain worldview. The music did not make sense as I had not experienced that worldview/cultural before. But now, spending time in more rural areas, where there are way more trucks and than cars, more farms than buildings, it is evident that this genre of music is simply a reflection of the way so many think and live their lives. It makes sense. Our first wedding dance as a couple will probably be a country song. I will be moving to a small country town in a matter of months. I will drive a truck. And I’ve begun to enjoy spending some of the long hours of prairie driving singing along with talented country artists.

Who knows, maybe I’m one stop closer to my childhood dream?!

….probably not.

My handsome man taking me to my first country concerts at the North Dakota State Fair this past summer which included Chris Young and Blake Shelton.

Date of Birth

Birthdays are intriguing things. It seems like every has them. They appear quite normal, regular, repetitive, boring even. Just a date on a calendar page. However, the amount of emotion and opinion on them vary so dramatically for each person from joy and excitement, to resentment and disdain, you would think they are the biggest deal in the world…

…well, maybe they are.

They mark the moment in which you received breath. The point that signifies your existence on this earth. The date that says, “beginning.” The axis on which everything begins to spin, take shape, and progress for the rest of our lives. I truly believe that heaven rejoices over every baby (even those still yet in the womb), and it is a party when that precious new little one makes the cry that declares, “I was made to have breath in my lungs! I was created with voice! I was designed with purpose and a destiny! I was made to love and to be loved!”

Depending on the situations that follow that climatic introduction, the worldviews acquired, the normalcy that takes place, and the road that proceeds from there, it makes the drastic reactions to these commemorative days more understandable.

My date of birth was joyful from what I can tell. I was the first born for my young parents, married 3 years at that point, who couldn’t be more excited.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was also the first born grandchild for Jacob and Agnes Funk, who were then blessed with a grandson five days after me, and another five days after him. Three grand kids in 10 days. And I got spoiled! Big time. I was the apple of my parents eye. I was the princess to my grandparents. I was lucky.

My giant blue eyes refused to close as I attempted to take in the world around me. I was fascinated, didn’t want to miss a minute, and couldn’t wait for the opportunity to learn and explore. That was my personality then. That is my personality now. Though I didn’t remain an only child, with a little sister 2.5 years later, followed by a brother 6 years after that, my birthday sustained its “special-ness” over the past 27 birth-days celebrations. It was always a day to look forward to.

Again, I will say, “I’ve been lucky!” My mom, who loved creating traditions or opportunities to celebrate for her family, did an amazing job at celebrating each of us kids. We were made to feel like royalty on our birthdays. I remember many September 23rd’s where I would have a special breakfast, hear again the story of when my mom was pregnant with me and the day of my birth. Usually we would take pictures as a family and to remember the special day. We would indulge in a birthday supper and cake (Usually from Jeanie’s Bakery!). We could not have wanted anything more.

For my 3rd birthday, I actually got a crown at nursery school! Pretty awesome!

I still get excited for birthdays. This past week, I celebrated turning 27. Nothing terribly significant about that number or this year. Nothing noteworthy about the day – it was a Sunday; I worked. Yet, I could feel the same giddy excitement. I could sense it was a celebration. It was to be yet another maker along the path. It was a changing in seasons.

The past 6-8 months have been difficult. Tumultuous and emotional. A whirlwind would be welcome compared to what I feel like I have come through. Somehow the date of my birth this year seemed to be a sign post at a crossroads that read, “God is Good,” “He leads perfectly,” “He works all things for good.” I felt overcome with encouragement.

I couldn’t get Ecclesiastes 3 out of my head. I think it was the way Jesus spoke to me that day:

To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven:

² A time to be born,
And a time to die;
A time to plant,
And a time to pluck what is planted;
³ A time to kill,
And a time to heal;
A time to break down,
And a time to build up;
⁴ A time to weep,
And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn,
And a time to dance;
⁵ A time to cast away stones,
And a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace,
And a time to refrain from embracing;
…
⁸ A time to love,
And a time to hate;
A time of war,
And a time of peace.…

For everything there is a season…a time… and this time, at the turning of another year, it feels like a new season, with new things, new twists and turns; new ways God is going to show up in even bigger ways in my life. I can move forward and look ahead to that that is before me with relationships, opportunities and adventures. I get to continue the joyful journey of following Jesus into another year.

And again I will say it, “I am lucky.”

(A few more photos from this year’s birthday. My parents and brother took me out for breakfast)

This was the face he wanted to make for pictures

That’s a much nicer face

My wonderful and adorable parents

My amazing boyfriend surprised me by sending flowers!

Even though he is in a different country, Aaron can still make me smile and feel incredibly loved. What a great present!

The Blessing of New Beginnings

After some trying months of illness and health problems, it is encouraging to look forward to a new semester and what God may have in store for the coming school year.

It is moments like this, coming out from difficulty and weakness, when the sweetness of new beginnings is so poignant and life giving. I am so grateful for the opportunity to beginning a new school semester, with new students, new ideas, new schedules and new chances to see God at work in powerful ways.

It has also been a huge blessing and gift to begin a new relationship this past spring and to spend the summer enjoying the adventure of getting to know Aaron more. It has been a joy to travel to North Dakota to get to know him and his family, and definitely exciting to see where God leads us in the future.Here is a brief update of Luke18 Project, Winnipeg, and information of how you can pray and be a support partner in this ministry:

Fall 2012 Newsletter